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Showing posts from 2013

The Second Year

In widow circles, there is much discussion of the second and subsequent years after the loss of a spouse in terms of difficulty, stress, and emotion.  Thoughts and opinions vary widely, as grief and our reaction to it is unpredictable and highly personal.  We are all just taking it as it comes.  These are my thoughts on the topic. In some ways the second year is easier.  The firsts are over.  Everyone has had their birthday, and we have lived through each holiday without him here.  The new normal starts to feel actually normal.  There are still days I get angry that the new normal even exists, but, I have come to a place of acceptance.  And most days, I don't try to fight reality anymore.  It is what it is.  I may not have picked this life but it's not like I can quit now because "life is for the living", as Michael's friend so wisely told me.  The children have shifted into their new roles of greater independence and self-sufficiency. There is a certain feeling

My Walkers

When I was a kid in school, I was a walker.  Out of my K-12 career, I walked all but two years.  As a child I didn't always love it.  But as an adult, I look back on it with great fondness.  I remember anticipating that 3:30 bell and practically flying from the school when it sounded.  I would run up the gravelly hill, with my gold and blue Hilton Wildcat tote bag, catching up with friends along the way.  It is such a feeling of freedom....joy...... pure bliss.  I remember it vividly.  I can picture the cracks in the side walk and the acorns we had smashed along the way the previous day.  Frequently, I took off my shoes and walked home barefoot, much to my mother's chagrin. As with most things, the rules have changed, and the walkers at my school are not given the same freedom, or opportunity for youthful zeal at the end of a school day as I had "back in the day".  For this reason, it came to be that I walk the walkers (in lieu of bus duty).  I was told it would mos

Wounds

  "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds'.  I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.  But it is never gone." -Rose Kennedy    I am a visual learner.  I am a visual thinker.  Sometimes I think this is what makes me a good teacher.  I can take something abstract or inconceivable and turn it into a picture to help people understand it better. So when my children and I first began our journey through grief, I tried to put it into a picture for them.  I felt like they didn't understand the road ahead.  I thought they believed the terrible heaviness of the initial tragedy was how they would feel forever, and I wanted to give them hope.  I told them our grief was like a big wound.  That is was similar to a cut or scrape like you get from a bad bike accident.  It hurts.  It hurts terribly.  You can't put your covers on it at night because it is so painful.  Some