Pink Giraffe Musing

In February 2011, I started an incredible journey of health, fitness, strength, and smaller clothes sizes.  I know I said, and I'm pretty sure I wrote, that if I could get back to the way I looked at 18 that I'd never let it go.  I lied.  I got there.  I shocked myself, to be sure.  Actually, I think there was a window of time where I was more fit than I had ever been in my entire life.  I mean, I had muscles, real muscles.  Little ones, but you could see them.   In no time, I let it slip away.  Not entirely.  But, enough.  My pre-February 2011 pants would still fall of me, but at the start of this summer I was down to only one regular push up, and I hardly ever run anymore.  The physical strength I had worked so hard to gain was dwindling. In February of 2012, I was in the best physical condition of my adult life, which is a nice place to be at 41.  My kids were doing well, my husband had a job he loved, and was gaining accolades and recognition for his achievements th

In the first months after Michael passed away, I would try to go about my normal life and do my normal life things like go to Target or the grocery store.  I learned very quickly, that if I went in there on "auto-pilot" I would end up with things in my cart like men's deodorant or body wash that I didn't need anymore.   When I'd realize it was a mix of feeling upset, crazy, and a little mad at myself.  Like, "duh, Beth, figure it out".  After a few such trips to the store, I began the process I now think of as "re-training my brain".   Instead of wandering through a store, I started walking through stores purposefully.  I remember very vividly being at Target one day before a trip to Florida.  I kept saying things to myself (not out loud) like , boys flips flops yes, girls flips flops yes, women's flip flops yes, men's flips flops no we don't need those.  I would do the same thing at the grocery store, because there were several f

        A sucker punch is defined as, "an unexpected punch of blow".  That is exactly what happened to my family last night. By all rights we had a great day.  Just regular really.  I worked out, and we all sort of chilled.  We read, and  played , did the things  children  and teachers  should  do in the  summertime.  And then………. And then we went to see How to Train Your Dragon 2.   Oddly enough, I was the one who wanted to see it the most.  The truth is I kind of begged them to go.  I love the animation.  I loved the first movie.  It was a happy time.  Everyone seemed upbeat.  We went to the theater, like a normal day, and encountered a sweet autistic boy.  My son befriended him over popcorn and icee's and I was feeling rather grand.  The boy's mom even thanked David for being so kind to her son who didn't understand "personal space", and I thought to myself, I must be doing something right.  And the world seemed good, and right, and I was s