Pink Giraffe Musing

I remember once, a few years ago, I said to myself if I could have my 18-year-old body back, would take better care of it this time around. And, well, not so sure how it happened exactly...but I have (more or less) my 18-year-old self back, which is amazing to me on several points.  First, I never ever ever thought I'd see the day, and secondly, because I guess it just makes me so proud of myself, for staying the course and carrying on.  And, after a year of tremendous personal growth, exploring different fitness options for myself, growing stronger in every section of my life, and really feeling I was on top of my game, I was dealt a tragic blow.  The kind of thing that makes it hard to breathe, or think, or do much of anything.  And yet, strangely, amazingly, and a total testament to how much I changed, one of the main places I wanted to go was to work out.  I was so afraid of losing what I had achieved.  But I also just wanted to b...

Found this today (7/9/2013)..never published it.....so here it is. How to start this post is really beyond me other than to say I am a widow.  It has been over a month now and it still seems crazy to me even yet.  I am too young to be a widow.  Aren't widows little old ladies?  I don't want to be a widow.  I certainly had no plans of single parenting my children.  But, here I am.  I could write you all of the details of the worst day of my life, but I would like to spare myself the pain, and you the agony of reading it.  Let's just say, it was terrible.  HORRIBLE and truly, I hope that not one of you ever has to live though anything like it. So many aspects were so awful and frightening: finding him unresponsive, doing CPR, riding to the hospital and being passed by the ambulance containing my husband, sitting in the "family waiting room"....thinking why can't we go see him, and not wanting to admit the answer....