Gone
Looking back at the moments following Michael's death, I think I felt like I was in some surreal bad dream that was an episode of ER or Grey's Anatomy starring me. I was overwhelmed by pretty much everything besides breathing. And, as I was dialing the phone to call my parents, I kept thinking, I wish this would just be over. It was just too much to take it. Too hard. Insurmountable. As the phone began to ring the realization hit me...., "Oh Beth, this is only just beginning". He is gone. Sometimes it still takes me by surprise. How, after all these months, I am not sure. But there are times when I am running or driving, or I look at a photo and I think, "he is not coming back", and it just seems crazy. I mean really crazy. This is my life, are you sure? Really, just gone, just like that? How can it be? There are arguments as to whether it is easier to lose someone suddenly or to have to watch them linger, but at least be able to say goodbye