Pink Giraffe Musing

I remember once, a few years ago, I said to myself if I could have my 18-year-old body back, would take better care of it this time around. And, well, not so sure how it happened exactly...but I have (more or less) my 18-year-old self back, which is amazing to me on several points.  First, I never ever ever thought I'd see the day, and secondly, because I guess it just makes me so proud of myself, for staying the course and carrying on.  And, after a year of tremendous personal growth, exploring different fitness options for myself, growing stronger in every section of my life, and really feeling I was on top of my game, I was dealt a tragic blow.  The kind of thing that makes it hard to breathe, or think, or do much of anything.  And yet, strangely, amazingly, and a total testament to how much I changed, one of the main places I wanted to go was to work out.  I was so afraid of losing what I had achieved.  But I also just wanted to b...

Found this today (7/9/2013)..never published it.....so here it is. How to start this post is really beyond me other than to say I am a widow.  It has been over a month now and it still seems crazy to me even yet.  I am too young to be a widow.  Aren't widows little old ladies?  I don't want to be a widow.  I certainly had no plans of single parenting my children.  But, here I am.  I could write you all of the details of the worst day of my life, but I would like to spare myself the pain, and you the agony of reading it.  Let's just say, it was terrible.  HORRIBLE and truly, I hope that not one of you ever has to live though anything like it. So many aspects were so awful and frightening: finding him unresponsive, doing CPR, riding to the hospital and being passed by the ambulance containing my husband, sitting in the "family waiting room"....thinking why can't we go see him, and not wanting to admit the answer....

This is something I wrote in the spring on 2010....I sent it to some friends, but thought it worthy of posting here.  I had meant to post it months ago....but I think you can draw parallels between this and my current life situation.  While this situation was much more temporary, there was grief and sadness, and a who gamut of emotions involved.  It also is the only other time in my life that I have experienced "the peace that passes understanding"........... O n August 21, 2009 my husband came home with the unexpected announcement that he had been laid off.   We were shocked, devastated, and almost paralyzed by the “what ifs” of the situation.   He got no severance, and our benefits ended at the end of the month (10 days).   It was frightening.   He was our primary breadwinner, as I was only working part time, to be available to our children before and after school.   We had already sacrificed many “material comforts” and extras during the pas...

I cannot help but look back at 2011 in sheer amazement. I almost wrote....at what happened to me. But it didn't happen to me. I did it.  And that still shocks me sometimes. For those of you who haven't been a part of the journey with me... on February 17, 2011 I joined a boot camp.  I lost inches, and pounds, got stronger (mentally and physically),  and found the part of me that was really me, that I had given so fully to my roles of wife and mother, that I got lost along the way.  I feel more like me than I have in probably a decade, and I stand in awe of it all sometimes. In October of 2011 I made my goal weight, and ran my first 5K. My neighbor said this to me (and I paraphrase).........there is no magic potion or pill or fix. When you couldn't run down this street, you walked, and when you could run a little, you did, and when you could run a little more, you did, until you could run the whole thing. And, I was like, wow, you're righ...

(Me, back in the day) I didn't want to coach basketball this year.  I thought my daughter could benefit from learning from someone else for a change, and I thought I could use a break from it.  The practices are fine, but the games.  Oh, I just find the games to be too stressful.  And by too stressful, I mean that if I have more than one cup of coffee before a game, my legs shake while I am coaching.  I don't know why.  I am not playing for a national title, or really any title (although we are currently tied for first in our league).  But, coaching games makes me sweat, get a dry mouth and sweaty pits, and I really thought I would sit on the bench this year. That being said, I do love teaching and I love the game of basketball.  And, I love teaching the game of basketball.  I especially love teaching it to girls.  I love to see them grow...not just in dribbling, shooting, and rebounding, but also in confidence, because...

Today, I am at my "goal weight". It has really only been my goal weigh recently, because up until the last few weeks, I have just been enjoying the ride and not really making any plans about "weight". But as of today, I have lost 32 inches and 30ish pounds. THIRTY TWO INCHES. My mind is blown by it all. Really. I guess maybe it is surreal. When I look at my clothes, the ones I own that fit, I think, that cannot fit me...but it does. That part will probably take some time. I am proud of myself. But, in a way, I am more surprised. Amazed that I did it. When I started this, I don't think I had a true goal in mind....I don't think I wanted to hope for too much to be honest. And really, I didn't think I was "fat" (but I probably was), just out of shape and a little "thicker" than I liked. I really didn't know what I was capable of, but I know I didn't think I was capable of much (in terms of working out). And so, as I often do, I u...

My daughter is calling herself STUPID with increasing frequency these days. It is worrisome, frustrating, and making me down right crazy. How does happen to a well liked, well loved, beautiful 9 year old child? Why is she SO hard on herself? Is it genetics?? Personality?? Am I a bad mother?? And most importantly, HOW do I make her stop? Every time she would say it, I started by saying...."you are not stupid". To which she would reply...."YES I AM" and then proceed with a laundry list of faults and failures; such as, not knowing where the measuring cup was supposed to go, or leaving a wet towel on the floor, or coming down with a case of strep. Then there are the homework battles. She has ADD, and so, even with her meds (or if her mom forgets to give her the meds), she zones out, forgets and then feels, well, stupid. I want her to understand it is okay to make mistakes, and to admit to them. So, the other day we were in Target, and we each picked out a bottle of flav...