Living Footprints, A Journey of Faith

This is something I wrote in the spring on 2010....I sent it to some friends, but thought it worthy of posting here.  I had meant to post it months ago....but I think you can draw parallels between this and my current life situation.  While this situation was much more temporary, there was grief and sadness, and a who gamut of emotions involved.  It also is the only other time in my life that I have experienced "the peace that passes understanding"...........




On August 21, 2009 my husband came home with the unexpected announcement that he had been laid off.  We were shocked, devastated, and almost paralyzed by the “what ifs” of the situation.  He got no severance, and our benefits ended at the end of the month (10 days).  It was frightening.  He was our primary breadwinner, as I was only working part time, to be available to our children before and after school.  We had already sacrificed many “material comforts” and extras during the past 8 years because we wanted me to be with the kids, I mean, we didn’t even have a cell phone plan!  It wasn’t as if we had a budget filled with lots of extras.  WHAT exactly were we going to cut out?

My husband was depressed and anxious and grief stricken.  He had had the same job for 22 years – and he loved it!  He was sure he would never ever like another job as well.   I was anxious and worried.  I couldn’t eat, neither could he.  I was shaky.  Neither of us was getting decent sleep.  And one day, I felt like I was going to have a full blown anxiety attack, so I went upstairs and laid down on my bed, face down, trying to breathe…………….and I prayed. 

I told God, I couldn’t do this.  That I knew this anxiety and worry was not from Him and that I didn’t want it anymore.  I prayed for His plan for us….because this verse kept ringing thru my head……"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." Jeremiah 29:11.   That day, as I prayed, I felt a calm come over my body.  My breathing relaxed, and I felt really as if I had taken something to relax me, except that….I hadn’t.  It happened in seconds and was truly a peace that passed my understanding!   I felt good.  I could breath, I could eat, and I just knew, he has something planned for us.  I just had to wait for it to be revealed.  Something I am not good at doing.

I am a planner.  I really ridiculous planner to some I suppose (I buy Christmas gifts year round, and organize vacations a year in advance, I make lists, check them twice) and I don’t like last minute surprises, or major life details just hanging in the balance.  I guess you could say I am not super spontaneous.   So, in the back of my mind there was still the nagging, come on God, just tell me, give me a hint!  It was hard for me to not know WHEN, and HOW and questions like, do I need to start packing, or repainting the house in preparation for a move did get to me from time to time. WHAT should I be doing?????  Maybe God was teaching me a lesson in trust and patience (both of which I suppose I need!).

This was inexplicable peace.  This is not my normal self. 

There were days I wasn’t thrilled with my husband and his job search.  There were days I was concerned we would have to move.  There were days I was frustrated with the duration of the job seeking process, or our new motto: hurry up and wait.  There we days it was very hard.  And yet in that…..in that there were the so very many ways that God used the hands of my friends, of people I barely know, of my neighbors, and my church to say, I am still here.  The day that our furnace quit working and it was 22 degrees outside and 54 degrees inside, and my neighbor, who does HVAC for a living, fixed it just for the price of the parts; or when the mother of one of my students asked me to follow her out to her car and gave me a big bag of necessities and a Christmas card (that I later discovered had money for us to help out); a friend of a friend who sent me a bag of pants for my son, when he was outgrowing all of his; friends who took me to coffee to get me out of the house and listened to me vent; my sweet chiropractor telling me…..you worry about your family and keep them well I will take care of you….and let me come for several months “on her”……and the list goes on and on and on.  Each time something like this happened I was humbled, touched and reminded, He was still there.

I kept praying.  Not just for a job, but for the right job.  It is a hard prayer sometimes.  What if the right job was somewhere I didn’t want to go?  I really didn’t love the idea of starting my life again somewhere else.  And then, a job came up near my parent’s house, out of state.  In my eyes, that was the right job!!  But I knew it may not be God’s right job, and I prayed about it, a lot.  Sometimes I said to God, I don’t even know what to say to you, you know the desires of my heart, and if this is not what you want, please help me be okay with that.  And He did.  The interview came and went, lots of waiting commenced,  and finally a letter…..”while your credentials are impressive…..we have found someone else”.  And I was okay with that.  Somehow.  Somehow I was totally okay.

There were times when it seemed like nothing was going to come up.  We started coming up with contingency plans.  We got worried.  But, I still had this baseline level of peace.  I just knew it was going to be okay.   People would say, how are you doing and I would reply fine, and they would say, “really?”, like they didn’t believe me.  We were Blessed by the support of our families, our friends, and being carried in the hands of the Almighty, how could we not be okay?

And then, one day, all of a sudden, the phone started to ring.  An interview, another possibility, and yet something else it the works!  WOW!  It was almost too much!  So the interview came and went, and he got a call…….”there is good news, and there is bad news”.  The bad news, he didn’t get the job (and he said to himself…..then what could the good news possibly be??).  Well, the good news was that they were creating a position for him!  We have now learned they actually sat down with his resume and created the position so that he was sure to be the indisputable best candidate.  A week and a phone interview later, we got the word at about 3 pm on a Friday afternoon that indeed he did have a job, and it started MONDAY!  Tears of relief filled our eyes. 

What is amazing to me is that we looked, and looked for a job.  We waited and waited.  I prayed and prayed for the right job.  I also wondered, how will we know if it is “the right job”, but God answers all those questions, in His time.   And, not just any job came along, but a job created for him with his exact skills and qualifications was created just for him.  He is loving the job, and getting lots of pats on the back and praise after only 2 weeks!

There are things about this job that aren’t “perfect” to my human eyes.  It is a 15 month contract position (with the chance of being renewed repeatedly until at least 2014).  Benefits are confusing at this time, but, I have God and I have peace.  I know between now and 2014 lots could happen, and I know that God will continue to provide for us.  I am not afraid, I am not worried, I am relaxed and calm, and so thankful that my husband has a job to go to in the morning.

I think that if you looked back at my life, from August 21, 2009 to today, there would surely only be one set of footprints in the sand.  God has carried me thorough this.  I have never seen God’s love demonstrated in a more tangible way that I have the past few months.  To say is it is humbling, overwhelming and I am so grateful .