For the Living
I have been given all sorts of advice over the last 8 months. It has all been well intentioned. Some of it has really resonated with me. Some of it, not so much.
One of my greatest sources of advice has been my husband's dearest friend. Not only did he love Michael like a brother, he lost his father as a boy. He is one of the few people who can come close to understanding the loss I feel, and also understands firsthand what my children are going through. In the months since Michael's death his friend has become my friend too. He texts me, calls me, messages me to check in. He has been working on my deck to finish a project that Michael started. He tells me sweet things that Michael said to him about me. We share in each other sadness, and he gives me a picture into what my kids are experiencing. And he said to me one day......Beth, life is for the living. And I have embraced that. I have embraced it because I know it is what Michael would have wanted, and because it is true.
And so, I took the kids horseback riding today. We had a great time. The temperature was perfect, the scenery gorgeous. Both kids THANKED me afterwards. But, as we were about to get on our horses, David said, "I'm sad Dad isn't here to do this with us". We all sort of agreed and then went on the ride. After we got home, we had some discussion about whether or not he would have liked it or not. But amazingly, no one cried, or even got upset. It was kind of matter of fact. And maybe that means there has been some healing. A nice conversation about him, no tears. Kind of nice I thought.
Some people tell me I am brave and strong and amazing. While sometimes I do feel like I've been brave after I face something, I mostly think I am just trying to keep it together. Keep us together. I'm hoping to get them to talk about him enough, but not so much that we are sad all the time. Trying to find a healthy balance. And I felt like today was a perfect example of that.
Sometimes I think people think I am crazy for the things I do. They think I should be stuck on the couch, and trust me, I have my days....my hours, my moments. But being stuck on the couch is going to help no one. And I have two kids who need to know life is worth living. And sometimes, when I don't feel like it I think of those words...life is for the living. And I get up.
One of my greatest sources of advice has been my husband's dearest friend. Not only did he love Michael like a brother, he lost his father as a boy. He is one of the few people who can come close to understanding the loss I feel, and also understands firsthand what my children are going through. In the months since Michael's death his friend has become my friend too. He texts me, calls me, messages me to check in. He has been working on my deck to finish a project that Michael started. He tells me sweet things that Michael said to him about me. We share in each other sadness, and he gives me a picture into what my kids are experiencing. And he said to me one day......Beth, life is for the living. And I have embraced that. I have embraced it because I know it is what Michael would have wanted, and because it is true.
And so, I took the kids horseback riding today. We had a great time. The temperature was perfect, the scenery gorgeous. Both kids THANKED me afterwards. But, as we were about to get on our horses, David said, "I'm sad Dad isn't here to do this with us". We all sort of agreed and then went on the ride. After we got home, we had some discussion about whether or not he would have liked it or not. But amazingly, no one cried, or even got upset. It was kind of matter of fact. And maybe that means there has been some healing. A nice conversation about him, no tears. Kind of nice I thought.
Some people tell me I am brave and strong and amazing. While sometimes I do feel like I've been brave after I face something, I mostly think I am just trying to keep it together. Keep us together. I'm hoping to get them to talk about him enough, but not so much that we are sad all the time. Trying to find a healthy balance. And I felt like today was a perfect example of that.
Sometimes I think people think I am crazy for the things I do. They think I should be stuck on the couch, and trust me, I have my days....my hours, my moments. But being stuck on the couch is going to help no one. And I have two kids who need to know life is worth living. And sometimes, when I don't feel like it I think of those words...life is for the living. And I get up.
Comments
Post a Comment