Pink Giraffe Musing

I work hard to be a positive person. I consciously look for the good in everyday, even if it something as small as a drawing from a student, or having leftovers and not having to cook that night (can I get an Amen!).  I am all about choosing joy and having an attitude of gratitude.  I have been know to keep a gratitude journal when things are tough because I don't ever want to forget that I am blessed. But sometimes......sometimes I just can't.  Sometimes it all just seems of unfair, and unjust.  I work hard.  I try hard.  I am nice.  I care about people.  I give my all.   And yet, my life is just not fair.  Being a good person doesn't mean you get an easy life.  Or a nice life.  Living through life altering change doesn't mean that things will go smoothly from here on out.  But for me, it means when things I don't ask for happen to me I don't take it well.  I really don't like when things beyond my control negatively impact my life.  I mean, who do

I don't like calling death anniversaries "angelversaries", but lots of people do.  Whatever you call it, this Sunday will be 7 years for us.  It's unfathomable really.  7 years.  And just last week I was thinking I needed to tell him something.  Yes.  Crazy, I know.  It only happens when I am super tired and get lost in my head.  It's like I forget somewhere on some level inside my brain.  It's not uncommon.  A friend's mom has been widowed since I was in college, and she says it still happens to her. Grief is different for everyone and from what I can tell it is different every year. Despite my best efforts, I have not mastered it by any measure.  One of the hardest things for me is not knowing what my kids need.  I want to be there if they need me.  I don't want to smother them if they don't.  I don't want to make them think they should feel any kind of way.  It's a fine line.  I just wish it could go by like any other day and we cou