Pink Giraffe Musing

I have been given all sorts of advice over the last 8 months.  It has all been well intentioned.  Some of it has really resonated with me.  Some of it, not so much.  One of my greatest sources of advice has been my husband's dearest friend.  Not only did he love Michael like a brother, he lost his father as a boy.  He is one of the few people who can come close to understanding the loss I feel, and also understands firsthand what my children are going through.  In the months since Michael's death his friend has become my friend too.  He texts me, calls me, messages me to check in.  He has been working on my deck to finish a project that Michael started.  He tells me sweet things that Michael said to him about me.  We share in each other sadness, and he gives me a picture into what my  kids are experiencing.  And he said to me one day......Beth, life is for the living.  And I have embraced that....

This post is really for me.  It is probably more of a journal entry than a blog post.  I am writing it because I really believe in the power of positive thinking.  But, like many of us, I find myself dwelling on the negative from time to time.  Sometimes, it is in the form of problem solving, and that to me is okay short term, but sometimes I let it drag me down, and I have enough stuff in my life to drag me down these days.  So, in an effort to count my blessings I decided to write this. Last time I taught, I felt like I became jaded by the paperwork, meetings, parents in denial, but mostly all the time spent doing everything but teaching and planning (like making floats for the Christmas parade, lettering 500 certificates and meeting after meeting).  I found it frustrating enough that when my daughter was born I quit my job to be a mom, and never really looked back.  I taught part time in private settings, which was truly the perfect situation ...

Looking back at the moments following Michael's death, I think I felt like I was in some surreal bad dream that was an episode of ER or Grey's Anatomy starring me.  I was overwhelmed by pretty much everything besides breathing. And, as I was dialing the phone to call my parents, I kept thinking, I wish this would just be over.  It was just too much to take it.  Too hard.  Insurmountable.  As the phone began to ring the realization hit me...., "Oh Beth, this is only just beginning". He is gone.  Sometimes it still takes me by surprise.  How, after all these months, I am not sure.  But there are times when I am running or driving, or I look at a photo and I think, "he is not coming back",  and it just seems crazy.  I mean really crazy.  This is my life, are you sure?   Really, just gone, just like that?  How can it be?  There are arguments as to whether it is easier to lose someone s...

Photo of a Poster in the hallway at my school August 13, 2012 Well, to say that I am in a "season of change" in my life would be what seems like a major understatement.  In a life that seems to be on a long and winding path to who knows where, I started yet another chapter today.  After 10 year break, I stepped back into the front of  a classroom today.  I have to say, that even after all these years, it felt somewhat routine.  And for that I am thankful.  There are some things about this job I want to write about.  Coincidences some may call them.  Luck.  I don't know.  Karma.  Maybe I'd call it grace, or a blessing.  To me, I see a hand in it that isn't mine.  Here is why...... Three years ago, the school where I am working lost everything in a flood.   The building was under 10 feet of water, the children evacuated to safely as water lapped at their feet.  Oddly enough, I remember be...

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” -Albert Camus This I know to be true......there is not a wrong way or a right way to grieve.  There is also not a wrong way or a right way to treat someone who is grieving.  But, given my recent firsthand knowledge on the topic, I will say, there are things I would recommend and suggest, just in case you are interested should you find yourself dealing with someone going through what I am going through.  Frankly, if you know me and you are reading this, I hope you never know another woman under 80 who loses her husband to anything but old age, but being that I myself now have 8 (yes 8!) widow friends, and I am the OLDEST of all of them, I don't think that is likely.  So, for what it is worth.  Here is what I think: 1.  Treat me as normally as possible.  If you treat me normally, I will be much happ...

The days following Michael's death are largely a blur.  I have had friends recount bits and pieces to me.  And besides telling my children that their father was never coming home again, and the moment that my mom walked into my house, I really can't say that I remember a whole lot besides the overwhelming kindness and generosity of people. In the days that followed what I can remember is walking around outside muttering prayers, but mostly saying, "Why?".  Why did this have to happen.  Why, why, why.  And, I know many of you will think I am a complete and utter crazy person when I share this, but, I really feel I was given an answer.  I can remember quite clearly being outside in my driveway, near where Michael fell and hearing quite discernably, "This will be a testimony".  And I remember saying, well then we need to rethink this, because my husband does not need to die for there to be a testimony (as if at that point in time it could have been re...

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Albert Schweitzer Thank you.  It is one of the first phrases I taught my children. It is commonly said many times a day: thank you to the lady who hands me my coffee in the drive thru, thank you to the boy who brings my groceries to my car, and thank you to my friend who took my kids to the pool. Sometimes, however, thank you seems inadequate. It seems too small, too common, and not filled with enough emotion, or appreciation. Or maybe that is just me being sappy.  But I really don't think so, because sometimes people do BIG things. And sometimes they do small things that are spectacular. Recently, I've had some of these big and small things happen to me. Ordinary people have reached out and touched my life (and the lives of my children). The...