Getting Myself Back
Motherhood. It is truly a gift. An exhausting, tiring, thankless gift. A gift that brightens my everyday. A gift that for many years I thought I wasn't interested in. And, one I am thankful that in the end that I was. One that I can call the best decision of my life.
I love my kids. I hate to be away from them, even when they make me crazy. I have only spent a handful of nights away from them in their lives and I like it that way. I miss them while they are at school, or sleeping over at friend's house. My house doesn't seem right until they are here. My heart is glad when I see them in the school carpool line every day. They may come home and fight, but I am still thankful for every minute that I get to spend with them. Crazy, isn't it. Yet, I think I am not alone in these feelings. My love for them far outweighs and exceeds and sassy, crazy, crabby, mean spirited things they do. That is not to say they are bad kids, they aren't. While they can be all those things; they are fun, generally mannerly, silly, creative, smart, with little minds that frequently blow mine.
I feel like when it comes to motherhood, all the cliches apply. It goes by too fast. (Though there were years I thought this one was not right). They grow so fast. You turn around and they are five, and then almost ten...and so on. It IS amazing that two children who are SO different can come from the same parents. You hear people say all these things. But LIVING these things, you know how very very true they are. Also, motherhood, the hardest job you will ever love.
That being said, I think it is easy to lose yourself when you become a mom. Frankly, it is easy to lose yourself in your marriage too. I think a lost a little of myself to both. And then, besides being the chief cook and bottle washer, laundry washer, dryer, folder and putter awayer, boo-boo kisser, and house cleaner, who was I? For years, between 3-4 part-time jobs, preschoolers, and all of life's responsibilities I didn't have much time to ponder that. But I should have. I think I would have been a better mom if I had.
When my first child was 4 mos. old I joined a mom's group. I am the kind of person who needs people. Plus, I believe friends can be the best therapists out there! And the biggest bonus was knowing that other moms had babies with green poop, teething troubles, and so on. The moms I met in that group are some of my dearest friends to this day. They are like family to me. And, when the kids were babies, the playgroup was a huge part of my weekly routine. I loved it! I looked forward to it. I think it is fair to say that it was my favorite day of the week.
So, now I am a mom with 2 kids, a bunch of part-time jobs and some awesome, amazing ladies I am privileged to call my friends. But, who am I? A mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend...the list goes on. Many people would say I am artsy or crafty. I am a reader. Sometimes I am funny, or at least I try to be. I am definitely a realist. But what do I like to do? Over the course of my journey in motherhood, I started to scrapbook (when I could). That became part of me too. The artsy/crafty part, I suppose. But I never really realized, I still had lost a lot of who I was. The me that is in there. I forgot all about her.
And, recently, I have started finding her, in the most unusual way.
I joined a Boot Camp. There was a school weight loss challenge among some local schools. I thought about it and decided after 7 years of couch potato life, it was time I kick start my fitness life. Being 40 I did want to "get in shape" and "be more healthy" -- as not to sail through my 40's unhealthy and carrying extra weight. Also, to be more healthy for my kids, to set a good example, and to (hopefully) be fit, and strong, and be there to see them accomplish all of life's milestones. And so with fear and trepidation, it was off to boot camp. I thought it would get my body "in shape" and "toned" and maybe even bathing suit ready, but I never knew how it would transform me, that me inside of me.
I love my kids. I hate to be away from them, even when they make me crazy. I have only spent a handful of nights away from them in their lives and I like it that way. I miss them while they are at school, or sleeping over at friend's house. My house doesn't seem right until they are here. My heart is glad when I see them in the school carpool line every day. They may come home and fight, but I am still thankful for every minute that I get to spend with them. Crazy, isn't it. Yet, I think I am not alone in these feelings. My love for them far outweighs and exceeds and sassy, crazy, crabby, mean spirited things they do. That is not to say they are bad kids, they aren't. While they can be all those things; they are fun, generally mannerly, silly, creative, smart, with little minds that frequently blow mine.
I feel like when it comes to motherhood, all the cliches apply. It goes by too fast. (Though there were years I thought this one was not right). They grow so fast. You turn around and they are five, and then almost ten...and so on. It IS amazing that two children who are SO different can come from the same parents. You hear people say all these things. But LIVING these things, you know how very very true they are. Also, motherhood, the hardest job you will ever love.
That being said, I think it is easy to lose yourself when you become a mom. Frankly, it is easy to lose yourself in your marriage too. I think a lost a little of myself to both. And then, besides being the chief cook and bottle washer, laundry washer, dryer, folder and putter awayer, boo-boo kisser, and house cleaner, who was I? For years, between 3-4 part-time jobs, preschoolers, and all of life's responsibilities I didn't have much time to ponder that. But I should have. I think I would have been a better mom if I had.
When my first child was 4 mos. old I joined a mom's group. I am the kind of person who needs people. Plus, I believe friends can be the best therapists out there! And the biggest bonus was knowing that other moms had babies with green poop, teething troubles, and so on. The moms I met in that group are some of my dearest friends to this day. They are like family to me. And, when the kids were babies, the playgroup was a huge part of my weekly routine. I loved it! I looked forward to it. I think it is fair to say that it was my favorite day of the week.
So, now I am a mom with 2 kids, a bunch of part-time jobs and some awesome, amazing ladies I am privileged to call my friends. But, who am I? A mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend...the list goes on. Many people would say I am artsy or crafty. I am a reader. Sometimes I am funny, or at least I try to be. I am definitely a realist. But what do I like to do? Over the course of my journey in motherhood, I started to scrapbook (when I could). That became part of me too. The artsy/crafty part, I suppose. But I never really realized, I still had lost a lot of who I was. The me that is in there. I forgot all about her.
And, recently, I have started finding her, in the most unusual way.
I joined a Boot Camp. There was a school weight loss challenge among some local schools. I thought about it and decided after 7 years of couch potato life, it was time I kick start my fitness life. Being 40 I did want to "get in shape" and "be more healthy" -- as not to sail through my 40's unhealthy and carrying extra weight. Also, to be more healthy for my kids, to set a good example, and to (hopefully) be fit, and strong, and be there to see them accomplish all of life's milestones. And so with fear and trepidation, it was off to boot camp. I thought it would get my body "in shape" and "toned" and maybe even bathing suit ready, but I never knew how it would transform me, that me inside of me.
Comments
Post a Comment