Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned……...
Everything I ever needed to know, I learned at Boot Camp..........
When I was 38 and then again when I was 39, I had a plan. Sort of a plan. A plan that resided inside my head and was known only to me. A plan to get fit by the time I was 40. A plan that I acted out in no way, and told no one about. Thirty-eight came and went, and so did thirty-nine and then I found myself kind of fat and 40. Not only fat and 40; fat, forty and gaining. I had been holding steady at my post baby weight for quite some time, until the winter months of 2010-2011, when the scale began creeping frighteningly upward. Now, fat is a relative term, and subject of much debate in our culture, so I am going to say fat for me. My whole life I was "skinny". It was part of my identity. That skinny girl with the blond hair…..that was me. I used to hate being called skinny, until I saw myself as fat. That seemed much worse. Clothes didn't fit like I wanted, I couldn't do all the things I wanted to do, I didn't feel pretty……the list goes on. So there I was, and along came boot camp.
When I was 38 and then again when I was 39, I had a plan. Sort of a plan. A plan that resided inside my head and was known only to me. A plan to get fit by the time I was 40. A plan that I acted out in no way, and told no one about. Thirty-eight came and went, and so did thirty-nine and then I found myself kind of fat and 40. Not only fat and 40; fat, forty and gaining. I had been holding steady at my post baby weight for quite some time, until the winter months of 2010-2011, when the scale began creeping frighteningly upward. Now, fat is a relative term, and subject of much debate in our culture, so I am going to say fat for me. My whole life I was "skinny". It was part of my identity. That skinny girl with the blond hair…..that was me. I used to hate being called skinny, until I saw myself as fat. That seemed much worse. Clothes didn't fit like I wanted, I couldn't do all the things I wanted to do, I didn't feel pretty……the list goes on. So there I was, and along came boot camp.
As many of the best decisions in my life, Boot Camp sort of fell in my lap at the last minute. Maybe it was meant to be. Being me, I agonized about it for a day or two. And then I signed up. I was worried I had bitten off more than I could chew, and I could not sleep the night before my first session. I still remember it so well. I could barely do anything! The warm up was so intense and difficult that I was sure we had to be done when it was finished. Only then, did I realize we were only ten minutes in! Most of the exercises lasted only one minute, and I could do them for maybe 10 or 20 seconds. If I could do them at all. I had no upper body strength at all, and despite being a high school athlete had never been able to do a single real push up in my whole life. Our coaches used to say to us, "Come on, you can do ANYTHING for 10 seconds.". They were usually right, but sometimes that even seemed unbearable.
It was hard. It seemed outrageous. Extreme. But, I was committed. I was SORE. I felt like I as training like an Olympian. I am certain I wasn't. I tried, I trained, I showed up; some days I had to shuffle instead of walk, and it hurt to roll over in bed at night. But, I kept on. I even started to like it.
Over a six month period I transformed. My body transformed which was amazing, but more importantly, I was transformed. I learned a lot about my body; how to eat, how to lose weight, but what I learned about myself outweighed it all. I pushed myself harder than I thought I could, became stronger than I ever dreamed I could be, and I realized nothing is impossible. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was hard, and painful, and challenging, but doable. That was a big mental shift for me. And, I started seeing the fruits of my effort in everything I did. It changed how I lived.
For the most part, I am a tenderhearted, quiet sort of person. I tend to be sensitive, and hopefully I am perceived to be caring and kind. So this strong, capable, tough persona was fun to try on. And it fit. And I liked it! Little did I know how much I would be needing it in the months to come. This new (or possibly rediscovered) strength, physical and mental toughness, "can do"/"don't quit", motivated attitude saw me through the tragedies life threw at me in 2012. Those new ways of thinking have seen me to where I am today. I am so thankful to know how to better care for myself. I am so thankful I can do things I couldn't. I am so happy that I am fit, and strong. But, I am forever grateful that I realized there was more to me than a meek middle aged mom.
I can do anything. I can do even things I don't like or want to do. I can handle whatever comes my way - pleasant, fun, upsetting, life changing. I can do it all. I don't always want to. I don't always like what I have to do or need to. It's kind of like at boot camp. You can do anything for 10 seconds, or a day, or an evening, or even months or years.
Comments
Post a Comment