Stress Detox
Stress is bad for us.
There are a lot of things in my life that are stressful. I am not alone in this. I am sure you can relate. It seems that middle age comes with more stress that I could have ever dreamed existed. It is downright depressing some days when I take in the full weight of it all. I see my friends balancing kids, sports, homework, demanding jobs, and aging parents needing care. I have friends and know of children battling cancer. Some struggle with kids doing poorly in school and need tutors they cannot afford. There is car trouble, car accidents, broken appliances, broken hearts and homes, and then there is work. For many of us work is the biggest stress producer of them all. If you are lucky you love your job. But love it or hate it we all NEED our jobs to pay for the mortgage, car payments, car repairs, the new microwave, calculus tutor, and of course, margaritas.
Over the past 6 years, I have watched teachers in my workplace give, and give, and give, and give of themselves beyond what is healthy or reasonable. I saw them lose weight due to stress. I saw the color leave their faces and the sparkle in their eyes dull. I saw them cry tears of frustration, exasperation, and defeat. I watched them undergo medical testing for conditions later said to be "stress related". I was right there with them. I had three EKG's last year, stress induced eczema, and a twitching eye. I had to leave work on day to go get a EKG midday. I love kids, I love art, and not to toot my own horn but I am a great teacher. These teachers love kids. They love teaching. They are give more than is reasonable or healthy because they love what they do, and no one else is doing it. It's hard and not sustainable, especially in a stressful, walk on eggshells environment.
I cannot control many of the things that cause stress in my life. Life happens. I can only choose to manage my thoughts, have a positive and grateful attitude, and make wise decisions. My husband died. It left me lots of things.....and only parent, financially insecure, sad and mad, and with a hard road ahead of me. I can't cure my friend's cancer. My mom lives our of town and has had a hard health year. I can't change these things (oh, but if I could). Of all the stresses in my life I just knew my job had to go. I had to make a hard choice and leave my friends and my lovely room and stocked supply closet in search of a different environment. I can control where I work (to some extent). While I need a job, I had the power to leave the one I had. I knew the stress from the environment I was in was bad for me. I knew it was bad for my kids. I had nothing left for them at the end of they, and I am all they get. I was tired, grouchy, and emotionally drained. They deserve more and my time with them is growing short. It was time.
It was hard. I had to fight for it. But I was able to step away from that stressful environment and I have a new job. Hindsight being 20/20, I can say this. I wish I had done it sooner. I knew I was stressed. I had no idea how stressed. After just a few weeks in my new position, my body feels different. Physically different. Noticeably physically different. I am shocked, and thankful. It's like I am in some form of stress detox. I don't dread waking up for work. It's such an odd realization. I don't feel depressed on Sundays. I sing and (and sometimes dance) in the car on the way to work. I don't feel like I am "surviving", I feel like I am living. At work, my students are mostly sweet and polite. They work hard. It is what is expected and required. I have FUN teaching them (although I have to remind myself if it okay to do this). My administration is pleasant, and positive and genuine. It is transformational. It is not easy. It is hectic and an organizational nightmare. Seriously, art on a cart with 2,300 kids at 2 schools should speak for itself, but I am a new person. I am drawing, and reading. I cry less (though still too often). I have more energy. I am happier. I feel more alive. I feel more like myself than I have since we lost Michael. I feel like I am making a comeback. It's exciting.
Don't stay stuck. You are the boss of you.
Over the past 6 years, I have watched teachers in my workplace give, and give, and give, and give of themselves beyond what is healthy or reasonable. I saw them lose weight due to stress. I saw the color leave their faces and the sparkle in their eyes dull. I saw them cry tears of frustration, exasperation, and defeat. I watched them undergo medical testing for conditions later said to be "stress related". I was right there with them. I had three EKG's last year, stress induced eczema, and a twitching eye. I had to leave work on day to go get a EKG midday. I love kids, I love art, and not to toot my own horn but I am a great teacher. These teachers love kids. They love teaching. They are give more than is reasonable or healthy because they love what they do, and no one else is doing it. It's hard and not sustainable, especially in a stressful, walk on eggshells environment.
I cannot control many of the things that cause stress in my life. Life happens. I can only choose to manage my thoughts, have a positive and grateful attitude, and make wise decisions. My husband died. It left me lots of things.....and only parent, financially insecure, sad and mad, and with a hard road ahead of me. I can't cure my friend's cancer. My mom lives our of town and has had a hard health year. I can't change these things (oh, but if I could). Of all the stresses in my life I just knew my job had to go. I had to make a hard choice and leave my friends and my lovely room and stocked supply closet in search of a different environment. I can control where I work (to some extent). While I need a job, I had the power to leave the one I had. I knew the stress from the environment I was in was bad for me. I knew it was bad for my kids. I had nothing left for them at the end of they, and I am all they get. I was tired, grouchy, and emotionally drained. They deserve more and my time with them is growing short. It was time.
It was hard. I had to fight for it. But I was able to step away from that stressful environment and I have a new job. Hindsight being 20/20, I can say this. I wish I had done it sooner. I knew I was stressed. I had no idea how stressed. After just a few weeks in my new position, my body feels different. Physically different. Noticeably physically different. I am shocked, and thankful. It's like I am in some form of stress detox. I don't dread waking up for work. It's such an odd realization. I don't feel depressed on Sundays. I sing and (and sometimes dance) in the car on the way to work. I don't feel like I am "surviving", I feel like I am living. At work, my students are mostly sweet and polite. They work hard. It is what is expected and required. I have FUN teaching them (although I have to remind myself if it okay to do this). My administration is pleasant, and positive and genuine. It is transformational. It is not easy. It is hectic and an organizational nightmare. Seriously, art on a cart with 2,300 kids at 2 schools should speak for itself, but I am a new person. I am drawing, and reading. I cry less (though still too often). I have more energy. I am happier. I feel more alive. I feel more like myself than I have since we lost Michael. I feel like I am making a comeback. It's exciting.
Don't stay stuck. You are the boss of you.
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